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Posted on: 12/24/2006
Name: Monica Thomas
Comment: How do you let go of a past love and move on? I've never found this very hard to do for the simple
fact, when something sours and is no longer what it used to be, you know when you should move on. holding on to something
that is not meant to be will only make things worse than they have to be. Knowing when to let go is simple, actually letting
go is the hard part and i mean letting all the way go!
Posted: 11/07/2006
Name: Sha
Topic: When is it too soon to consider marriage
I’m commenting on the homepage question “When is it too soon to consider marriage”. Well I know that
everybody’s situation is unique and different. I think a year time should be the courting/dating period. Usually, within
that time you would have gone through some ups and downs, a couple disagreements, etc. Also, you probably have met at least
the primary part of the family that will affect you if you do get married. After that if you still feel that this is your
mate, then evaluate and discuss the ideal of marriage. Make sure that you both are on the same page when it comes to the responsibilities
of marriage. Do both parties want kids? How will household responsibilities be handled? If you are a woman who already has
children, how does this mate fit into their lives? What is his role as the “Father”? Does he and the children
(s) father get along? It is a lot to consider. I have been through marriage once and these are all of the things that I ask
myself now before I enter into this again. Marriages need constant nourishment. Not to be enter into likely. Only you know
your heart, just make sure that you really know your mate. Someone’s potential may never become their reality. ©sgs
Until next time ladies, be encouraged. One Love
Posted: 10/04/2006
Name: Sha
Topic: How do you let go of a painful past and How do you deal with your lover having a
friend of the opposite sex?
Hello all, it’s me again. I love the questions that you present. They allow
time for reflections and confronting your inner self. I promise you I wrote a book on these subject matters. Let me
start by saying I will probably comment on both questions because that are the direct effect of one another. If you
haven’t let go of the past, you cannot move forward. That is why it is hard to love and be loved. We expect someone
to love us for us and we don’t know who we are.
After I separated from my husband, I tried to “find myself” but obviously I kept
taking the wrong path. I said that I would take time to be alone before I let someone else into my circle. My problem
was that I didn’t like being by myself. It was like being in a room with a total stranger. I had become brain washed
(consciously/unconsciously) into the person that my husband wanted me to be that I had lost sight of me. So I found myself
in a lot of situation just to avoid having to deal with me. When I first met my fiancé, I had been separated for about a year’s
time. I had become happy with being alone, but had not completely healed from the mental pain. I didn’t allow myself
to get close to him by just thinking of him as a sex partner. I had been absented since the separation, so I knew how easy
it would be to fall back into the same mess. When he called, I would avoid conversations that spoke of a future between us
because I had not let down that wall of distrust that I had built. So when he wanted to do quality things, I would always
make up excuses. Or if I called him, it was only when I wanted him to come over. One day he asked me, “why is
it always sex with you? Every time I call you it is not about sex. I’m trying to show you that every man’s
motive is not to hurt you or get over on you.” He told me that it was a major turn off, but the only reason he stuck
with it is because he knew that was not the real me. And the real me was who is wanted to be with. It made me take a second
look at myself. What I thought I had dealt with I was just suppressing and covering. So I had to learn things I thought I
knew over again. I had to learn to not compare my current with my ex, which was very hard at first. I communicated these things
to fiancé and let him know that look, I ‘m not perfect nor am I completely 100%. Time heals all wounds, but some
wounds leave scars. As we all know scars are for a lifetime. I still work everyday to become a stronger and better person.
You have to heal from the inside out. So until you have healed within, there is no way you can move forward. The real you
will attract the right person. Be honest with yourself. Let them know what you want and need. This will eliminate the confusion
and meaningless relationships. If he can’t be who you need or want him to be in this relationship, then walk away. Don’t
even get involved. Someone’s potential may never become their realty.
Men are tired of dealing with the fakeness. We come with a façade that we have ourselves
together that when in reality we are a mess. Like I have mentioned before, you will not be able to keep the façade forever.
So when men see the real you or they are tired of dealing with the multiple you, they want out. I actually think men
of today are ready to settle down but with the right one. Some men will date anything. Do trust, when it comes to choosing
“wifey”, they only choose the Cream of the Crop.
So when you have been in a painful relationship, take the time out to heal first. This means
being alone for a while. If you are always surrounding yourself by others (men/relationships) than you’ll never have
the opportunity to learn how to find and love yourself. Once you have become sync with who you are than you want have to look
for anyone because that positive and confident attitude will attract that right person to you. Then you will be able to love
and be loved effortlessly. Until next time ladies
One Love
Sha
Posted: 9/08/2006
Name: Jai Adams
Topic: Is it possible to find genuine love in 2006?
comment:
Yes it is possible to find love in 2006 but I must say that it will not
be easy because a lot of people in this day do
not know how to truly commit to a
relationship because they are not ready for responsibility,Because to have true
love
there is a responsibility that you have to take on such as spending quality
time with the other and staying loyal to the
other.It's not hard to do but it do
take commitment.
Posted on: 9/03/06
Name: Sha
Topic: What do you do when the one you love doesn't love you.
What's up? Let me start by saying that I love this site. It allows me to keep serenity within myself
as well as empower someone else who may be where I have been. I wanted to comment on the question from the homepage.
What do you do when the one you love doesn't love you.
Well like the comment said, this is impossible. What you are feeling is not love. There is no
way to love someone that gives nothing in return. If he doesn't love you than I'm sure he treats you likewise. Love
is not something that you have to fight or beg for. Genuine love is given unconditionally.
First thing you need to do is forgive him and yourself. Then let it go. By doing this you are not mentally
hanging onto weightful baggage. I know your will and ambitious will be weak at first. You will have to learn a
lot of things over. But what will happen is either he will realize the jewel he possessed or he won't. Nonetheless,
you walk away from this with lesson learned. It's a path in your life that you were meant to learn from. What we must
understand is that everyone that is placed in our lives are not meant to be forever.
If this may be a situation were the "in love" has deteriorated over a period of time than you have to once
again understand the purpose and destiny behind this relationship. Every point in your life has reason. Good or bad. Whether
you choose to accept this or not determines your final outcome. My husband(ex now)and I married at a
young age. We were high school sweeathearts. At first things were picture perfect. But as time went on and we begin to GROW
the problems began. What I could not see at the time is that we were outgrowing each other. So I use to pray for God to make
things better and things would be good for a while, but when they got worse it was 2x worse than the last. So one day, when
I had reached the point of insanity, I prayed to God to please do his will. Sometimes you have to remove yourself and
your feelings from the situation to see things clearly. I was still trying to be in control of things. As soon as
I removed me from this, he left like 2days later. I was still devestated, even knowing things weren't good for a long
time. It was the fear of being alone and having to learn things over again. Everything I learned about love, good or
bad, was from him. But I had to be true to myself. And being in that marriage was nothing but a living lie. I still love him,
real love never goes away, but I had grew out of love with him. Change happens daily. Whether you are changing together
or apart is the key.
So if this is your situation, assess yourself, forgive,and be encouraged. ALWAYS stay true to
yourself first. We are all phenomenal women. Tap into yourself.
One Love
Sha
Posted on: 08/01/2006
Name: Sha
Topic: Is it possible to find genuine love in 2006?
Comment: Women are untrusting because of old baggage. Not necessarily infidelity, but some negative action
by men. when infidelity does occur, either you forgive or you let go. What we as women need to understand is all that baggage
we carry weakens our emotional strength and abilty to move forward. It allows us to stay in the same in that same vunurable
state for this to reoccur or we end up back in the same mess. Never punish another man for someone else's shortcomings. Trust
should be given, not earned, unless the situation presents itself. Never complain about something that you have the ability
to change and don't.
Posted on: 08/01/06
Story/Advice: I will probably touch a little on all 3 Daily Dish questions. Me and
my fiancé have been together for 3yrs. For the first 2 years things were great. We always communicated things no matter what
it was. We agreed to never "punish" each other for their thoughts or feelings. This made it easy to voice our opinions and
problems to each other. We never tried to change each other. There were things that I did not agree with, but that is his
demeanor. I trusted him fully, despite my own insecurity from a recent divorce. He was not my X so why punish him for my X's
shortcomings. He was not use to the "freedom". I never tracked or trace his steps. I trusted that where he said he was, he
was and that he conducted himself in the appropriate manner in public. His behavior and time schedule begin to change. So
women's intuition knew he was cheating. When I decided to approach him about it I let him know that I would respect him as
a man as well as the value of our relationship if he told me the truth. But if he lied, it was over. No questions, no explanations.
He came clean. Even though I was hurt, I respected his honesty. My trust level had been knock to zero, but that was his fault.
I gave him plenty of rope, he decided to cut it and choke himself. It was my choice to stay with him. I forgave him so the
subject is never brought up again. I laid all my terms and conditions on the table and it was his choice if he could accept
it or not. Trials and tribulations are a part of life. Same goes for relationships. The key to success is COMMUNICATION. Never
sleep on a upset mind. If you are not at peace about the disagreement then you need to talk it out until you have peace. If
he does want to listen or rather walk around angry, then he doesn't value the relationship as you do and maybe you need to
reconsider the partnership. A relationship is 100%,100%. not 50%,50%(don't know who's theory that is). You need two whole
legs to ride a bike. Same theory. If only 1 is giving 100% then it will never be complete. You have to be ground within yourself.
You'll never find an 100% mate. There is no such thing as a perfect person. If you find someone that has 85% of what your
qualities, then you know that the other 15% are the things that you are going to have to constantly work on in your relationship.
Once you have "learned" each other that 15% will be a minute issue. You have to be equally yoked. Relationships today are
not built on anything solid. People are with each other for materialistic or selfish reasons. Some present themselves as someone
that they are not just to gain the acceptance of the other. If you are not willing to keep up the facade then why put it out
in the beginning. Then you are falling in love with the facade not the real person. My grandparents were married for over
50 years. They had a mutual respect foe each other, they share the same value and morals, and the want the same things out
of life. That’s the foundation you want to build on. TRUE LOVE is UNCONDITIONAL expression or feeling that you share.
It's patient, kind, and forgiving. Never jealous or boastful. There are not very many people that will have the opportunity
to experience this is their lifetime, so if you do, consider yourself truly blessed. Sha
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